


Melancholy

by Celeastral



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Introspection, Memorials, Memories, Post-Canon, Retrospective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27248377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celeastral/pseuds/Celeastral
Summary: Himiko looked outside, thinking of everyone and what could have been.
Relationships: Harukawa Maki & Saihara Shuichi & Yumeno Himiko
Kudos: 19





	Melancholy

Droplets of rain pattered onto the window, leaving little trails of water as they slid down to the ground. The outside growled and echoed with distant thunder, lightning flashing in the angry clouds. On a rainy day, a normal person might grumble, yet remain content, for another sunny day would come eventually. But not Himiko, who endured so much. Today she stared out into the distance, with a gaze neither despondent or calm. It had been a year since they left the school, but it still weighed down on her heart, despite their declarations that they would turn over a new leaf.

It was more like half of a new leaf. Although they would be out of her mind for a while, in quiet moments they always returned. But there was nothing they could do to bring them back for real. She wished she spent more time with everyone instead of being holed up in her room all day until her friends dragged her out of there, but bygones were bygones. So Himiko kept them in her memory, determined to remember the people she’d known and interacted with against a world that claimed to. Writing little notes, dedicating the things they made, wishing them happy birthdays when she remembered. Even to the people who killed her friends, because they were just another victim too. After all, everyone would never truly die until they were forgotten, right?

There was no doubt that Shuichi and Maki were suffering along with her. A few times, Shuichi called out Kaede and other names in his sleep, and when he woke up, he usually broke down crying. Maki sometimes ran off to a deserted part of the apartment and spent a few hours there by herself. Occasionally, they went out for walks and necessities, though they never said much during them. It was stressful, having to wear disguises to protect themselves, and they went to the places where no one else would go. However, there was progress, they mostly laughed and smiled during their time together. These days wouldn’t last forever, at least. Someday, they’d all rebuild themselves, come to terms with everything, and move on. Meet new people, get involved in other things, and find new happiness somehow. Their core group would stay together for certain, though. Well, she hoped. If only magical foresight existed.

But for her dead friends, they couldn’t do that. Everyone was happy once upon a time, even if their previous personalities weren’t. They breathed and dreamed life and hope during the game, and yet that was snuffed out from the motivations and decisions that came from themselves. Where would they be today? Sometimes when she closed her eyes, she could see their smiles again. Yes, she saw smiles most days from children at her performances, but those would never compare to theirs.

Rantaro Amami, Kaede Akamatsu, Ryoma Hoshi, Kirumi Tojo, Tenko Chabashira, Angie Yonaga, Miu Iruma, Gonta Gokuhara, Kokichi Oma, Kaito Momota, K1-B0… her mind ran down the list, stopping at the two leftover names, to which she had no energy, or rather, mana, to care about.

Poor Rantaro, he lived through his first game and died so early in the second. The only good memory that remained was introducing themselves to each other, and the last memory was that of the pool of blood leaking from his head. Later they only knew him by his real title and apparent specialness. What would he have done? Would he have known anything that could’ve helped them?

Kaede… died filled with guilt, believing she had killed him. She tried her hardest to unite them chasing a fruitless hope, though helping out Shuichi a whole lot, but the desperation that put her murder plan into action also put the mastermind’s plan into action. They had played right into her hands, and gave her the keys to the car, so to speak. Hopefully she died quick enough to not feel any pain… and to not notice the horrible piano playing that went on… 

Tch. The next ones were almost too painful to bear. And she got blamed for it, and the ones after. Thank Shuichi very much for clearing her name several times. It was kind of funny, looking back, how without fail, she would inevitably get suspected at some point. But it really wasn’t funny during the trials. Anyway, while she didn’t know Ryoma all that well, never having spoken to him much, it was pitiable how he went through the motions in life. He wouldn’t want pity though, she knew that much. Maki said drowning wasn’t a nice way to die, because it wasn’t quick. Then his body got disrespected like that… he wanted to live, didn’t he?

Kirumi… she had no idea what to think about her. All she could say was she enjoyed her cooking while it lasted, but it wouldn’t really be like she mourned that much for her. Not when the greatest slight she did against her was to ruin her magic show that was supposed to cheer up everyone! Well, she didn’t know what to think about her motive either. Taking advantage of him was scummy… but Shuichi said it was smart, if he had been in her position. Whatever… 

Then, there was—

The front door slammed, causing her to jump. Had it been that long already? Oh. Her tea was cold. She chugged it down anyway. Damn it. She was supposed to be thinking of new stuff for her show, but she’d wasted time thinking about the past.

Shuichi and Maki were talking, but she didn’t pay much attention to them until she heard her name being called.

“Yeah?” she yelled back.

“Got you the candy you wanted,” Maki said, carrying the groceries into the kitchen.

“Oh… thanks.”

“I don’t like that tone… have you been thinking about them again?”

Could she tell? “Umm… no?”

Maki sighed, opened the cabinet and shoved something heavy in there. “Please, don’t lie. I wouldn’t blame you if that was the case.”

“Hey,” Shuichi walked into the room.

“Shuichi, I don’t need your help. I’m almost done putting them away.”

“Okay. Himiko, did you come up with anything? Want to tell me about it?” he asked, heading over to the table and sitting across from her.

Ahhh, now she was in big trouble. Well, maybe not trouble because they were her friends. “I couldn’t.”

“That’s unfortunate. I remember you wanted to start on a huge project, right?”

“Yeah, that’s on hold. I ran into a little wall. I’m not sure if it’s okay to ask, but what did you think of Angie?”

“I might be lukewarm about her… sorry.”

“I want to hear about it though, good or bad. I promise I won’t cry!”

“Knew it.” After washing her hands, Maki came by and sat down. “I won’t say much about her. You know my opinion.”

“I just feel some sort of regret for not thinking about them these past months!”

“It’s alright.” Shuichi rubbed his chin. “I think Angie was rude for throwing you under the bus in the second trial, but we did need to suspect people to clear their names. She had strange ways of thinking, which caused us to collide a few times. The student council wasn’t the best idea, but I understood what she was going with it. There was always a sense of carefreeness to her, as if she didn’t have any worries, but from what I feel, she did have some, but they were fewer and she hid them well. She was considerate, believe it or not.”

“Oh, I miss her so much… I wish I could tell her that she isn’t forgotten, and that I want to see her art again. I wonder if there’s anything left of it… What about Tenko?”

“We could ask… but it’s hard to deal with _them_. But we should try anyway. Hmm… While I was irritated at being called “degenerate male”, she was very much a positive force. But the first time I tried to spend some time with her, she flipped me so hard I blacked out. She carried me to my room and apologized later, so I forgive her, I guess. I thought of her as honest and strong, but she could be a little dense. Hey, remember that time she flipped both of us onto the mat in her Research Lab? Tenko 2, Shuichi 0.”

Himiko smiled at the memory. “Yeah, I was so annoyed, I threatened her with becoming a toad! When you left, she was really awkward and it was like she couldn’t function, until I told her it was okay. She asked me to consider her advice… I wish it had been enough to make me realize that holding it all in wasn’t good.”

“Was that all you wanted to talk about?” Maki asked. “From my memories of Tenko, I remember wanting her to shut up because of her loud mouth. Same with Angie.”

Now she burst out laughing. “Nyeh, it’s wrong to speak ill of dead people, but honestly, even I got fed up sometimes. But, I couldn’t do much about it because I was too tired.”

“Hey, let’s reminiscence about their memory and celebrate the time we got to know them,” Shuichi said. “It wouldn’t be fair to the others if we didn’t.”

“I want to move on from him,” Maki blurted out. “It’s not good to be constantly living in the past or _that_. I finally stopped thinking about him a few months ago.”

That last part was clearly a lie.

Shuichi wasn’t buying it either. “Well, it’s only for today, and maybe remembering the good and bad can help us accept that they’re gone.”

“How about making today a memorial day every year?” Himiko asked. “And today today should be a real goodbye day.”

“I agree,” Shuichi said. “Maki, do you?”

She looked down at the table. “I guess I do.”

“Okay, let’s start from the beginning, but we should skip Tenko and Angie since we just talked about them,” Himiko said.

“Rantaro, the mysterious guy… I’m trying to wrack my brain for any memories.” Shuichi placed a fist on the table. “All that I know is that I suspected him once…”

“He didn’t remember much either,” Himiko said.

Maki stayed silent with a blank expression, yet there was a hint of discomfort behind it.

“I guess he was too calm and cool to not be suspicious, you know? I wonder how much he was hiding from us, despite what we knew later on. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Maybe we could ask about him… if they’ll let us,” Himiko said.

Shuichi took a deep breath. “It’s time for me to talk about her, I guess. Kaede was the one who inspired me and gave me the will to carry on, even if she died after. It stung at the time, uhh, I can’t really describe it right. I can’t imagine the guilt she had upon seeing Rantaro, but not knowing it wasn’t her doing. Hmm… the brief time I had with her… nobody else cared that much for me before that. I can’t imagine that the person I was before was any better, probably even worse. Still, for all her optimism and will to keep going, that video really was a sad surprise. But that wasn’t the person I knew, so I’ll remember only the kind her that way. Besides, you’ve heard me talk about our moment in the classroom.”

“At least there’s a large part of music history to appreciate on her behalf,” Maki said. “I did have a thought regarding her… but it’ll be vague.”

“That’s new. I’d like to hear about it, if you don’t mind.”

“Fine. I had this strange sense around her, but I thought nothing of it then… I was too afraid of everyone finding out of my talent.” She shook her head. “That’s all.”

“Thanks for sharing anyway.”

Himiko decided to try to lighten the mood a bit. “Nyeh, I can’t say much, cuz I was like, 'everything is a pain!' I remember her asking me if I wanted to read a book with her, but I said it was too much of a pain so I was gonna eat them. I dunno why I said that. I probably sounded really stupid.”

“I imagine you did,” Maki said.

“Yeah…”

Himiko poked at Shuichi for no reason. “Poke! I wonder if your hat’s still there. Probably was destroyed in the explosion though.”

A trace of a smile. He poked her back. “Most likely. I actually never thought about it after I took it off.”

Maki looked faintly amused by their little game. “I don’t think we’ll have much to say about the next three people.”

“Let’s try for their sake. I’d say it’s even our duty.” Shuichi said.

“You’re right.”

“This might sound awkward, but he was sort of similar to you, Maki. You both pushed people away, although for different reasons.”

“I remember Kaito saying he looked up to him once. When I first met him, I was annoyed by his utter non-willingness to live life. I had a traumatic fictional childhood, but I suppose it’s real now. We lost things of value. But I still felt that I couldn’t give up. It’s not my job to be concerned about just anyone.”

“I guess I took up that mantle. I tried to talk to him, and he even got me to play tennis with him one last time. Just as it seemed things were looking up for him, it happened.”

“Do you blame me for that?”

“No, you couldn’t have known.”

“Um, I don’t know what to say about him? Do I need to? I never really talked to him,” Himiko said.

“It’s fine,” Maki said. “All that tired energy together would have turned into a black hole.”

“Tired energy is an oxymoron!”

“You get what I mean.” She rolled her eyes.

Shuichi switched the topic. “So, about Kirumi.”

“Probably the most outlandish story I’ve ever heard of.”

“Hey, you can’t say that! She’s way more than just her story!”

“Well, the video did cause her to remember it vividly,” Shuichi said.

“I didn’t want to seem like I was only appreciative of her job… I decided to get the elephant out of the room first… so to speak. She _was_ dedicated to it.”

“Yeah. She was careful about concealing herself, and smart with her skills, but I honestly don’t have much to say.”

“Me neither. I feel bad about that, but I never talked to her that much.” Himiko shifted in her seat. “She helped a lot with a lot of things, but doing that to my magic show just left a real bad taste in my mouth.”

Shuichi’s tone sounded doubtful. “...Should we move on to Kiyo?”

“Do we even wanna talk about him?” A wave of repulsion washed over her for what he did to her friends. She didn’t even wanna hear his name at all.

“We promised to,” Maki said, with a worried glance towards her. “Shuichi, you probably talked to him the most.”

He sighed. “I guess I can understand his devotion, so similar to Kirumi’s, but in a different way. He was legitimately interesting, I listened to his lectures on various aspects of anthropology. But I wished, for how creepy in appearance he was, that he wouldn’t turn out that way.”

“I see.”

This was the hard part. Why did he have to choose to target them? Why couldn’t someone— Wait! Gotta stop that thinking, it wasn’t gonna make her feel any better, and anyone else wouldn’t have deserved it either. Now what? She couldn’t forgive him at all, that wasn’t negotiable. Maybe in time, the pain would fade, but nothing would fill that hole in her heart of what could have been.

“Let’s move on,” Maki said, sharply. “Miu.”

That made her perk up, just a little bit. Even if she found her really annoying sometimes. But, she did try to make jokes to remember her by. “She was kinda funny.”

Shuichi picked up after her. “She did a lot to help us, even after her death. I don’t think we could’ve gotten through the Exisals without them, but I don’t think it was worth that cost… her tools were both a blessing and a curse.”

Maki shook her head. “I only have negative things to say, other than that.”

“For all of that, her insecurities got the best of her. Anyway, she showed me a lot of her inventions. They were as… inappropriate as you’d expect.” He muttered something about pie? under his breath.

“I wanna take a break,” Himiko said. “This tires me out a lot.”

They all looked at each other and agreed.

* * *

“Well,” Maki said. “We should’ve checked…”

“He tried so hard to understand, but in the end we still had to do that. The guilt keeps me up sometimes…” Shuichi wrung his hands. “Then he died by the thing he loved most.”

Maki put a hand on his shoulder. “Just know we don’t blame you for that. There was no other choice…”

“Thanks.”

Gonna be more positive here. “Gonta was really comfortable when I fell asleep on him. He was kind and I feel like we could’ve been friends, but we didn’t talk that much and I hate bugs. Not butterflies though.”

“Bugs… if only we caught on to that tiny detail,” Shuichi said.

That annoyed her. “Hey, stop moping about it! We can’t do anything about it anymore, so can you quit that and appreciate him, rather than wonder about what you could’ve done?”

“You’re right,” Maki said. “Even I fell into it…”

Shuichi simply sighed and glanced out the window. “He was honest, and worked to become a gentleman. Even if some of the things he said about his past were a little out there, that goal was genuine, and…”

He let the sentence hang in the air. Neither of them had responses to it, but Maki looked like she needed to say something, but didn’t know what to say. As if she wanted to keep the topic from moving on, afraid of what impact she had in the next events, and the emotional payload from the exchange of love.

“Give me a few seconds, if we’re to move on,” Maki finally said, breaking their short silence.

Shuichi looked out the window, as if hiding his face. “Me too. As much as we both need.”

From this point on, it was gonna be harder to talk for both of them, she could feel it. Regret swelled up in her that she wouldn’t be able to share anything significant with them, like with Maki with the people before this. She wondered what she felt about that. So, it might turn into only listening, until they got to… K1-B0 and yuck, her name. Not that sure what to think about K1-B0. Definitely was mean to him, but she was just trying to make bad jokes, but she also just felt some sort of barrier to understanding. An aversion, even. Then he tried to smash everything, so maybe it was a kind of signal to that? Was that his real personality, to desire only destruction? Who knew? But he still had some consideration towards them, enough to agree to the trial?

“I can talk now, but Shuichi, would you like to go first or second?” Maki asked.

“Up to you.”

“Second.”

Shuichi took a deep breath. “Okay. Kaito was a great mentor, and I don’t believe that we ever expressed enough thanks to him before he was gone. But, we shouldn’t put him on a pedestal. He had his own shortcomings, and we had some conflicts on occasion, but he was a good but flawed person, and I want to remember him for the good things he brought, as did everyone else.”

“Yeah… I hated him at first. Always being brash and saying stupid things. I couldn’t stand to be next to him, since he was so annoying. But then, something in his words inspired a spark of ugh, hope, and we started talking about ourselves since he kept insisting on being with me. I couldn’t tell when the feelings started to appear, but eventually, I was smitten with him, and I couldn’t admit it before that happened. I regret that a lot, I wish I could’ve gotten a proper answer. Damn you, Kaito!” She slammed her fist down onto the table. “And that girl, so much more… even if what she said was true.”

“I’m not gonna say anything since it’s both of your moments, and I didn’t know him very well.”

“Hey, we should pick up the nightly exercises again to honor him. Himiko, you can join us if you want.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” she said. “I’ll try, even if I get tired easily.”

“Sure.” Maki touched the pin in her hair. “Go, Shuichi. I know what you’re going to say.”

“Kokichi. I don’t know what was real and fake about him, he was always putting on a mask. But, he tried to end the game, at least, but unfortunately he had to bring down Kaito with him. Yet, he utterly trusted in us to end it. That level of self-control… But, it was cruel to manipulate Gonta like that. Although, I don’t know if he considered us friends. I feel like he was lying so much just to protect himself, and if we weren’t there, maybe he would’ve acted more normal.”

“I can’t stand myself, not after the fact that I caused so much.”

“We were acting on false information at the time, so it takes some of the fault off of you. And the trial… but you’ve already… uhh.” Shuichi said. “I won’t say any more.”

“I know.” Maki sighed. “Can’t change anything.”

“K1-B0 and Tsumugi.” Shuichi rubbed his chin. “Do you guys want to talk about her?”

Their firm no resounded around the room.

“I guess the last one’s K1-B0 then. I want someone to talk other than me.”

“I’m gonna volunteer then.” She told them her previous thoughts regarding him, in a condensed version.

“No, he probably didn’t want to destroy it all, but because of the circumstances, he felt there wasn’t any other choice. Sad to know we lost him. He was remarkable, trying to understand us and being thoughtful even if he was being somewhat controlled by them. Not in the mood to comment about those people, but I’m glad you’re both here with me.”

“I’m grateful for his sacrifice,” Maki said.

After her last words, a silence hung in the air.

* * *

“Do you guys have any more to say? If not, then I’m finished too,” Himiko said.

They both shook their heads.

“That ends this year’s memorial… goodbye day.” Shuichi yawned. “That took a lot out of me.”

“Yeah, what do you wanna do? I’m in the mood for a game or something like that.”

“Okay,” Maki said. “You choose then.”

“Yay!”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the last of the one-shots for this month! Hope you enjoyed them!


End file.
